i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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