The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
