My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think i got beer on your cat.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
