I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
