would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
