Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
