Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
