i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
