ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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