Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
