peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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