So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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