God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
