Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
