they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
