theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize