I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
