is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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