So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
