Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
