Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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