Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I need moral support for this bender
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
