did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
