I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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