he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
