whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
