Christians are straight up FREAKS
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
