Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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