I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
