i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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