Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
birth control should be required to get into college
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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