Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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