i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
