I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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