she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
