You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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