making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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