I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
