Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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