guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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