Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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