I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
