omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
