No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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