Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
