eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
