Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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