I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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