You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
