I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize