i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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