i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
