He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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