so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
