My room smells like vodka and shame
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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