I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize