i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
