Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
