He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
