no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So vagazzling was a success
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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