I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
