she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
