Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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