I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
