I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
