hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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