so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
