....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
