my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
As shirtless as possible
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
